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Chinese New Year and Valentines day, being the same day.. feels like a double hit of celebration this year.. double miss, it feels like.. Nevertheless, “the most important thing is.. being either Chinese New Year or Valentines Day, will be celebrated with love ones..” hmmmmm.. doesn’t really apply to everyone, everywhere..

And so i froze my nose, well.. more like cold burnt it.. But it was so damn worth it..

A very spontaneous decision, cost quite massively, being foolish not appreciating 2 years time in Sweden, rather waiting till moving to Berlin and only clutching back to sweden’s charm.. Also thanks to a very convincing “young man”..

And so we made ourselves superhumans by being almost naked in the -20s..

And withstand the freezing cold and pull out our penis to try draw-shoot our name but end up creating a pile of yellow mess..

Did the snow mobile of 80kmh over the frozen lake, the rush was just full of adrenaline, with a fair share of comfort when u were hugged warmly from behind :) Though guiltiness strike with the amount of petrol being burnt, the speed and snowy wilderness was just to overwhelming to feel too guilty.. will do my deeds by being bio vegan for 3 days..

And paying a visit to the ice hotel, made me NOT fantasying about sleeping and making out in this room for the night.. though if given the chance to sleep here.. will definitely wanna explore that option.. was glad that we had a warm cottage for ourselves.. and fun mushroom spreading pillow fight..

While being frozen all throughout in -30 degrees, eating outdoors just sounds stupid.. but the viking style of raindeer mixing with potato and lingon berries was something of what we call, an experience..

Though northern light aka aurora didn’t come by that night, the view was already virgin to my humble little eyes..

Just makes me wonder.. how lucky it is to even be there..

and how lucky it is to have such a bunch of wonderfully awesome buddies.. till we see each other again..

Such big contrast of feeling, that one could experience within the span of just few hours, or days. Xmas this year was just to beautiful to put into any words, the short few days of warm homey feel in upper Austria, in a place called Vorchdorf (yea try pronouncing it, remember the V in german pronounces to a F in english) And so, this feeling still lingers nicely in my senses - lieber mama, mutter mun, home Xmas food, nice ppl, amazing companies, and so much more just makes Xmas so magical.

It really aint fair that i am not writing about the unforgettable Xmas moment in Austria, but instead about the current moment of feeling.

It’s 1st Jan local swedish time, 0147 to be precise. And i actually don’t feel anything. 1 full day of total packing, officially the last night here in Uppsala, with the luggages weighting precisely to 30.2 kg, i am somehow very reluctant to leave wat i feel closest as “home” outside home.

Thanks for the loads of facebook new years and birthday wishes, u know who u are and i appreciate how ppl take the few seconds of their life, once in a year, to pollute my wall :) sincere shout goes out to those that took the extra mile with very personalized and customized messages, mails, and a very sweet call from Nachbar, which just makes leaving Uppy so much harder - i have learnt to stick to my principle with regards to a place, the destination is something, but it’s the ppl that makes the place so much more meaningful.

And so when the clock was 2350 just now, i said goodbye to Nachbar and bf and slapped on my just-laundried fat jacket to walked out in the cold, intention - pure fireworks hunt. Didn’t i realized that it made my feel so lonely.. Good buddies are all not in town, the only one remaining had promised to call back home to parents and therefore there i was, snapping up the icey ground with my waterproof (not snowproof) reeboky.. direction, towards the castle, from a call received regarding the blasting source for the night.

Was not too spectacular, maybe i wasn’t really in the mood of it. Walking the ice, mumbling to myself, with a light heart, “hej Jian, it’s new year, it’s ur birthday - happy new year & happy birthday”. It has been too long that i was not by myself during this moment of the year. I look around and see many happy, mostly drunk ppl being loud and carrying their obvious horny faces, i wanted to approach anyone, to wish them happy new year, yet couldn’t lift myself to do so - and so there is no birthday hug this year - technology is just too robotic, human touch is just so much better. Though a very sweet message from an Italy bonded, lighted up the moment -the bright side of technology. And somehow, guess it’s probably a sign that the destination has to be changed, and so it will be - country code 49 from tomorrow onwards..

Start the new decade with loadsa good wishes, draw the resolutions, paint the dreams, feel the love, and appreciate the moment..

peacefulness.. a feeling that i appreciate so much by myself tonight.. after a late arrival for little salsa, has just sufficient time to dance with 2 ppl, one of whom felt particularly comfortable dancing with, especially more so that it could actually be the last session for a very long time to come.. probably even the last time for some time, in Uppsala..

This thought, of having just fingers countable days left in this lovely place.. does not go too well by just thinking about the leaving.. rather not think about it.. taking a very slow walk from the central station after seeing off bus number 5 to Sävja, i just felt so much in slow pace - intentionally, willingly..

the tune of “somewhere out there” just naturally came by and my mind cant stop the silent hymning of it.. I then stray pass the frozen but not too windy paths that I have been walking since the passed 26 months..

Eventually guided myself to my all time Uppsala favourite spot.. This spot has always been my venue of heading to during many times, happiness, loneliness, pizzaness, Max burger moments - and the spot of 3rd pillar from the right of the central platform - is still always available for me everytime i am here.. though today, she’s covered with so much snow that i found my ass too frozen to sit down as i always do. It’s so quiet, so calm, so peaceful..

And i’ve got one of the most thought-off, personalized and related gift today.. I was just so touched from my guts when i received it - “Bananbok”..

Flipping in the pages, an even more personalized, hand written text by the shaved kiwi and the ostrich, accompanied by some really beautiful pictures - it just set the mood for the night to be all chill and mellow.. these late few months in Uppsala had gave a very complete round up to my time here, with these few very precious people that i had the honor to know, and spend time with, yes.. u know who u are, and i appreciate the moments, for walking through my time, and stamping ur name deep at the corner of my heart..

In this cold dark winter night, and being free of alcohol (except that orange-juiceless punch just now), thinking bout u guys gave a slow built up warmth to my chest.. and it will stay for the night.. and many more nights to come..

Taking a slow bike ride on lil’ red ridey, wasn’t too cold, wasn’t too breezy.. yet it felt chilly and shivery inside..

Listening to shuffly playing Forgiven with such intense feeling, within temptation..

counting down the short limited time left in Uppsala.. it actually sucks that 2 months is, really just 2 months..

2 months is really fucking short in a world where the clock never stops..

oh yea..

2 months, though short, could also be the best damn 2 months in my life..

yea?

2 months should really have been the most beautiful and amazing time in this chapter of the story book..

nah..

and so it will be firm now..

Things has to be decided, to be determined, to be made clear..

No more, shakiness, indecisive, bluriness..

Chicken? No more chicken.. action and reflection..

What if.. u knew that u were supposed to not let it happen.. but u unnoticingly allowed it to happen..

What if.. even though u knew that there is nothing out of it.. u still so willingly let it be..

What if.. it’s for the sake of the moment.. and there is no point upon what is after the moment.. would u still let it be?

What if.. u saw what happened.. and u felt so damn shitty.. even though u were not even in the position to feel a tiny bit of shit..

What if.. it is liked.. but the likehood has to be restricted.. and the loneliness would take over again..

What if.. all of this is just another class of chemistry.. where bonding of the atoms were supposed to be repelled for sure no matter how strong the attraction is.. would it still make sense to be a molecule?

What if.. without realising.. u realised that everything speaks about it, reflects it, feel so much for it..

What if.. u just cant look at anything else.. or think of anything other than.. it?

What if.. everything that appears.. u always see it.. shows all about it.. tells u about it.. relates u to it..

What if.. u really should let it go.. but really don’t want to.. because u can’t..

And so it is.. it could be it.. it is like shitting in the corner and let the flies go round and round it.. so that the flies would not come near it.. it is 12:34:56 09-10-11..