A very spontaneous decision, cost quite massively, being foolish not appreciating 2 years time in Sweden, rather waiting till moving to Berlin and only clutching back to sweden’s charm.. Also thanks to a very convincing “young man”..

And so we made ourselves superhumans by being almost naked in the -20s..

And withstand the freezing cold and pull out our penis to try draw-shoot our name but end up creating a pile of yellow mess..

Did the snow mobile of 80kmh over the frozen lake, the rush was just full of adrenaline, with a fair share of comfort when u were hugged warmly from behind :) Though guiltiness strike with the amount of petrol being burnt, the speed and snowy wilderness was just to overwhelming to feel too guilty.. will do my deeds by being bio vegan for 3 days..

And paying a visit to the ice hotel, made me NOT fantasying about sleeping and making out in this room for the night.. though if given the chance to sleep here.. will definitely wanna explore that option.. was glad that we had a warm cottage for ourselves.. and fun mushroom spreading pillow fight..

While being frozen all throughout in -30 degrees, eating outdoors just sounds stupid.. but the viking style of raindeer mixing with potato and lingon berries was something of what we call, an experience..

Though northern light aka aurora didn’t come by that night, the view was already virgin to my humble little eyes..

Just makes me wonder.. how lucky it is to even be there..

and how lucky it is to have such a bunch of wonderfully awesome buddies.. till we see each other again..

It really aint fair that i am not writing about the unforgettable Xmas moment in Austria, but instead about the current moment of feeling.

It’s 1st Jan local swedish time, 0147 to be precise. And i actually don’t feel anything. 1 full day of total packing, officially the last night here in Uppsala, with the luggages weighting precisely to 30.2 kg, i am somehow very reluctant to leave wat i feel closest as “home” outside home.

Thanks for the loads of facebook new years and birthday wishes, u know who u are and i appreciate how ppl take the few seconds of their life, once in a year, to pollute my wall :) sincere shout goes out to those that took the extra mile with very personalized and customized messages, mails, and a very sweet call from Nachbar, which just makes leaving Uppy so much harder - i have learnt to stick to my principle with regards to a place, the destination is something, but it’s the ppl that makes the place so much more meaningful.

And so when the clock was 2350 just now, i said goodbye to Nachbar and bf and slapped on my just-laundried fat jacket to walked out in the cold, intention - pure fireworks hunt. Didn’t i realized that it made my feel so lonely.. Good buddies are all not in town, the only one remaining had promised to call back home to parents and therefore there i was, snapping up the icey ground with my waterproof (not snowproof) reeboky.. direction, towards the castle, from a call received regarding the blasting source for the night.

Was not too spectacular, maybe i wasn’t really in the mood of it. Walking the ice, mumbling to myself, with a light heart, “hej Jian, it’s new year, it’s ur birthday - happy new year & happy birthday”. It has been too long that i was not by myself during this moment of the year. I look around and see many happy, mostly drunk ppl being loud and carrying their obvious horny faces, i wanted to approach anyone, to wish them happy new year, yet couldn’t lift myself to do so - and so there is no birthday hug this year - technology is just too robotic, human touch is just so much better. Though a very sweet message from an Italy bonded, lighted up the moment -the bright side of technology. And somehow, guess it’s probably a sign that the destination has to be changed, and so it will be - country code 49 from tomorrow onwards..

Start the new decade with loadsa good wishes, draw the resolutions, paint the dreams, feel the love, and appreciate the moment..

This thought, of having just fingers countable days left in this lovely place.. does not go too well by just thinking about the leaving.. rather not think about it.. taking a very slow walk from the central station after seeing off bus number 5 to Sävja, i just felt so much in slow pace - intentionally, willingly..

the tune of “somewhere out there” just naturally came by and my mind cant stop the silent hymning of it.. I then stray pass the frozen but not too windy paths that I have been walking since the passed 26 months..

Eventually guided myself to my all time Uppsala favourite spot.. This spot has always been my venue of heading to during many times, happiness, loneliness, pizzaness, Max burger moments - and the spot of 3rd pillar from the right of the central platform - is still always available for me everytime i am here.. though today, she’s covered with so much snow that i found my ass too frozen to sit down as i always do. It’s so quiet, so calm, so peaceful..

And i’ve got one of the most thought-off, personalized and related gift today.. I was just so touched from my guts when i received it - “Bananbok”..

Flipping in the pages, an even more personalized, hand written text by the shaved kiwi and the ostrich, accompanied by some really beautiful pictures - it just set the mood for the night to be all chill and mellow.. these late few months in Uppsala had gave a very complete round up to my time here, with these few very precious people that i had the honor to know, and spend time with, yes.. u know who u are, and i appreciate the moments, for walking through my time, and stamping ur name deep at the corner of my heart..

In this cold dark winter night, and being free of alcohol (except that orange-juiceless punch just now), thinking bout u guys gave a slow built up warmth to my chest.. and it will stay for the night.. and many more nights to come..

Listening to shuffly playing Forgiven with such intense feeling, within temptation..

counting down the short limited time left in Uppsala.. it actually sucks that 2 months is, really just 2 months..

2 months is really fucking short in a world where the clock never stops..

oh yea..

2 months, though short, could also be the best damn 2 months in my life..

yea?

2 months should really have been the most beautiful and amazing time in this chapter of the story book..

nah..

and so it will be firm now..

Things has to be decided, to be determined, to be made clear..

No more, shakiness, indecisive, bluriness..

Chicken? No more chicken.. action and reflection..

What if.. even though u knew that there is nothing out of it.. u still so willingly let it be..

What if.. it’s for the sake of the moment.. and there is no point upon what is after the moment.. would u still let it be?

What if.. u saw what happened.. and u felt so damn shitty.. even though u were not even in the position to feel a tiny bit of shit..

What if.. it is liked.. but the likehood has to be restricted.. and the loneliness would take over again..

What if.. all of this is just another class of chemistry.. where bonding of the atoms were supposed to be repelled for sure no matter how strong the attraction is.. would it still make sense to be a molecule?

What if.. without realising.. u realised that everything speaks about it, reflects it, feel so much for it..

What if.. u just cant look at anything else.. or think of anything other than.. it?

What if.. everything that appears.. u always see it.. shows all about it.. tells u about it.. relates u to it..

What if.. u really should let it go.. but really don’t want to.. because u can’t..

And so it is.. it could be it.. it is like shitting in the corner and let the flies go round and round it.. so that the flies would not come near it.. it is 12:34:56 09-10-11..

Exactly 2 weeks ago’s today, we were hanging out in the balcony, doing wonders that was just so humanly. With a blink, that was all sweet memories, memories that I would take with me through any big fat cloud.

I shall try to keep words to the simplest, sentences to the precisest.. to avoid such circumstances..

Istanbul is so diversed, so colourful, so beautiful..

Of course there is always the cultural aspect of the city..

but we’ve also seen cute amphibians..

and also seeing some slimmey shit juice..

Well, that’s hazelnut juice extracted from pure hazelnuts..

Some like to overdose on salt..

Some like to blow it soft and gentle..

As the journey is sometimes very steppy..

But then we go for it full of turk spirit..

And then still keeping up that happy smiley mode no matter wat..

And when there is a pretty smart and hot Turkish chick in the lab..

there is also a Terminating Hazelnut Inspector..

It’s always a happy feeling being a Tree-hanging princess..

Of course there are fight and conflicts at moments..

But then make up to that and sleep together..

And have some pretty moments of persuasions, stalking sessions ..

And then more back seat mushy lovey dovey..

But isn’t it happier when love is in such a beautiful picture..

I’m again sticking by the motto of a place is nothing without the people you are there with.. there’s so much to be said, to be remembered, to be cherished.. i’m missing the feeling of waking up and having nice people to wish good morning, and giving and receiving warm sincere smiles..

Could be a good sign, it’s been pretty productive without the usual distraction of faceemailbooksocmsncernetskype shit.. but then i got too desperate.. came over to cemus library, rang the bell a couple of times.. well it’s summer in Sweden and u know wat happens when it is summer here, basically nothing related to people being in offices.. and most of the university building, labs and library, are haunted by oxygen and nitrogen.

Damn, the central square usually the most happening spot, looks a little bit too sad at the moment..

Finally had someone to open the door for me and so I re-enter the base of internet world again.

Geez, I’m all alone in this place, could get a little spooky when it is dark, and well.. I shall only have these 2 nice IKEA lights accompanying me, left and right, nothing from above, and definitely nothing from behind.. hopefully..

Oh and in this darkness, hopefully i won’t see this scary sight of my damn peely but not hurty shins..

ps: This does not count as a valid posting watsoever..

The ticket of flying from Antalya back to Stockholm cost much more than a transit in London, which gave me no excuse to not drop by a say a good hi and recharge my Malaysian buddyhood. And I was in for so much more than i didn’t even planned for.

The church was one of the most beautiful i’ve seen. And believe me, throughout my time here, i have seen enough churches to be in a rightful position to claim so.

Fan of Harry Potter? not that much, but when I walked in this dining room, the sudden rush of goosebumps just made me feel so magical. I could smell him, her, and him again.. This was the dining room spot of where the 1st HP chapter was shot.

Walking around Oxford College gave me shivers and glimpses of the Harry Potter movie, it really does, as for HP fans, I could imagine that this flashes could be very intensive. Until you come across a place that pronounces the name of the object of heavenly graces, and as a matter, a whole house of it!

And so it was time to cool down, with this..

I have just had probably 4-5 banana ice cream in my life, but being a seasoned self-proclaimed banana lover - this is the best banana ice cream ever! The freshness of the ice cream could be easily tasted by the single lick, and i was thankful that it was a UK weather - that i could enjoy this stick as long as i would like, not worrying of the meltiness it would experience if i were to eat it in Malaysia.

Seems special? Not so until you know that this used to be lived by William Shakespeare. Again, was imagining how amazing Shakespeare’s fans and followers would have been with this.

Could be as intense as these gooses and ducks along the river..

And what’s more, there was an awesome treat of Bak Kut Teh! well, unfortunately pork ribs were not sold in Tesco that day, so we had to settle with Qi Kut Teh, the chicken counterpart of this awesome treat. And yen, you really made my day. It had been exactly 1 year ago that i could even smell and get indulged in such a luxury. I could even smell it at this moment of typing.

What seems to be a very good visit location wise is nothing compared to the people that you spent the time with. I always stick to this principle and always walk by it. And till then time comes to say good bye, I always find myself refraining, holding back the wetness in my eyes.

Thanks for the lovely moment~!

ps: there is a sudden increase of “comments” by “visitors” which are “genuine”. This action and intention is very clear to me, and my responses shall always be reserved to those that are genuine.

This is not fair, i didn’t intend to leave u in the coldness, in the silence for the passed few weeks.. things happen and time passed and i just didn’t have the full pure urge to share it with u, maybe i shall do it tonight.. i owed it so much to u..

Sadly, gave a very unwilling yet about time farewell to Berlin for the moment. It’s terrible to be apart with nice ppl that had stayed together for the passed 4 months ~ she felt almost like a 2nd mom, though could never be compared.

The feeling of leaving a bunch of really nice friends totally sucked. The lingering feeling of not knowing when or where to next see each other again, sucked even more that it should suck off my left nipple hair.

Things could feel so cibai sometimes that even a bar is named after this feeling..

Then flew over to India for a week, for the conference and to conclude this 6 month stint in Berlin. Came across a pretty awesome place of Urban Pimp Pind in New Delhi, which were playing pure Berlin electronic music, making me missing Berlin even more.

And then felt a little more like home by walking by the streets, where everyone stares at you like they want to lick your cheeks.

They could spread themselves nice and flashy to attract ur attention..

And still being very holy.. with the temperature overriding personal lifetime experience, bursting a scorching 44 degrees Celsius.

To hot, too dry, too much conscious wasted on the thinking of drinking safe water. Task accomplished and got my ass back to Uppsala.

Things felt so different, but they actually are pretty same.

And essentially, the feeling is always beautiful..

With love,
Jian

After more than half an hour of VoIP with ma, she suddenly said:

Jian, got something to tell u la..

That kinda tone from ma, didn’t smell too right for me, kinda sensed something when ma wanna start something by saying a sentence like that..

Willie and gaylord (Willie’s best buddy), are both not here already..

…

Shitty stories are better to be kept short and simple. DBKL have been on a recent mission of getting rid of stray dogs. Note the word “stray”. I am not gonna do any dictionary definition looking up but stray shouldn’t mean any dog that are found on the street. This is what happened. They placed some chicken head dipped in poison but definitely good taste and smell as bait. Gaylord is a dog that happened to be wondering around our house since a couple years ago, and pa has been feeding him just like Willie and he has thereafter made a little nice corner outside our house as his home. And both of them has been very good buddies ever since. Sometimes too buddy but let’s not get there.

And so they took the bait, and soon after collapsed. Neither pa or ma was around at the moment. Mr Chong, the contractor that is renovating our house at this particular moment, feel utterly saddened by seeing all this and couldn’t bear waiting for pa or ma to come back. He buried Gaylord - the 1st to collapse, and then also rested Willie, not wanting us to see or witness it.

Willie has to be said to have his fair share of troubles, but this has to be the last of all. He was “kidnapped” when he was young, and we lost him for almost 1 week before miracle made us finding him. Few years back, he was placed in SPCA and we went and got him back. But there just seems to be no getting back this time..

15 years of presence, well, one would say it has been many many human years if we do a 7 years human equivalency for each doggie year - 105 years old..

I could only find such a picture of you in august 2007, the morning itself before i left for Sweden. You looked strong and healthy and ever ragged white.. May you rest in good piece, Willie..