Seeing 3 austrians visitors that i was just visiting them in Graz 10 weeks ago..

Walking in the beautiful Graz city, cool and dry with appropriate wetness from the spree..

Chilling under the sun in a lovely park..

Eating one of the best tasting and a little bit unhealthy hamburger in a lovely lil’ street..

and now seeing the same bunch of them in my living room back home in KL.. and appearing in the screen of skype 9606 km away..

its just an amazing yet such a dragging feeling.. of wanting to be back home there with them..

Was such a pleasure in fixing a lil’ organising for a great time – least that i could do while being happily exposed to a fair share of sun here in Berlin – thanks loads to Pa, ma, Tat, mann, and some other buddies.. for giving our guests a nice time (from what i heard), though i have to say.. the amount of fun WILL be different if Jian was the guide ;)

happy moments that i will look forward to hear when we meet again.. and i am pretty sure there would be a nice smile across the window..

Damn this is not fair, quite a lot happened and u were not informed. It would make me sound like a pussy if i start to lay my lame apologizes for, hmm.. let’s just say, putting my priorities somewhere else apart from u.. and since we havent really keep in touch for such a while, i am feeling a little shy to do this writting our “normal, conventional” way, lets keep it professional and decent.

these couple of months, felt like days when i think about it.. did a quick trip back to Uppsala, grab some stuffs, managed to meet only a couple of friends, learnt a lesson, to never ever do another 1 nighter when travelling back to a “home town”, never sufficient. Though those that managed to meet, gave an awesome time, especially more legendary when it comes to “paku pakis”

Malaysia then came for 2 weeks. It was the best homely feeling away from home – having the precious few days of physical presence with the 2 most important person in life.

Prague was just magnificent. No further porno description required.

Overlooking scenes day or night, with that sweet beerie breeze, just calms all the hormones down, pretty way down, in a very good way..

Farewell for Prague was hard, farewell to parents was though 27 times harder. And so i got really really hard..

Until Malaysia came to me again, and i got really soft with all the much swalloned lips business painted on the long stretch of Berlin wall.. Meeting old frens from home in a foreign land always have this special feeling. Catched up, caught up, and cleared it up..

And then to a little charming university city in Austria.. Graz has this heart looking liver that is actually their trademark exhibition hall. And i will proudly say that i had quite an intensed appreciation for the art in that exhibition that day. Nope, not any sexually related exhibition as u might be guessing, but it was an exhibition on creative ways to create and put together “furnitures” indoors.. Was really nice cathing up with a special Uppsala days fren now studying in Graz, and got introduced to Seppel the Schildkröte..

I shall end this chapter with an great night on my saturday. Never could i have imagine partying with a healthy bunch of seniors could be so much fun! Even more so that my level of German is so bloody limited. Well probably my body language towards the seniors works much better.

60 and going very strong. My very dear ex-housemate.

Great few months, summed up to u with not much justice, pretty unfair to u. Nevertheless, a great weekend just came to an end. Oh and dear diary, allow me to mention, it was spent with much pleasure with great people around me – not about quantity, but the intensity.. probably i would share with u next time around. As it is a little bit more on the personal side.

x
Jian

A very spontaneous decision, cost quite massively, being foolish not appreciating 2 years time in Sweden, rather waiting till moving to Berlin and only clutching back to sweden’s charm.. Also thanks to a very convincing “young man”..

And so we made ourselves superhumans by being almost naked in the -20s..

And withstand the freezing cold and pull out our penis to try draw-shoot our name but end up creating a pile of yellow mess..

Did the snow mobile of 80kmh over the frozen lake, the rush was just full of adrenaline, with a fair share of comfort when u were hugged warmly from behind :) Though guiltiness strike with the amount of petrol being burnt, the speed and snowy wilderness was just to overwhelming to feel too guilty.. will do my deeds by being bio vegan for 3 days..

And paying a visit to the ice hotel, made me NOT fantasying about sleeping and making out in this room for the night.. though if given the chance to sleep here.. will definitely wanna explore that option.. was glad that we had a warm cottage for ourselves.. and fun mushroom spreading pillow fight..

While being frozen all throughout in -30 degrees, eating outdoors just sounds stupid.. but the viking style of raindeer mixing with potato and lingon berries was something of what we call, an experience..

Though northern light aka aurora didn’t come by that night, the view was already virgin to my humble little eyes..

Just makes me wonder.. how lucky it is to even be there..

and how lucky it is to have such a bunch of wonderfully awesome buddies.. till we see each other again..

It really aint fair that i am not writing about the unforgettable Xmas moment in Austria, but instead about the current moment of feeling.

It’s 1st Jan local swedish time, 0147 to be precise. And i actually don’t feel anything. 1 full day of total packing, officially the last night here in Uppsala, with the luggages weighting precisely to 30.2 kg, i am somehow very reluctant to leave wat i feel closest as “home” outside home.

Thanks for the loads of facebook new years and birthday wishes, u know who u are and i appreciate how ppl take the few seconds of their life, once in a year, to pollute my wall :) sincere shout goes out to those that took the extra mile with very personalized and customized messages, mails, and a very sweet call from Nachbar, which just makes leaving Uppy so much harder – i have learnt to stick to my principle with regards to a place, the destination is something, but it’s the ppl that makes the place so much more meaningful.

And so when the clock was 2350 just now, i said goodbye to Nachbar and bf and slapped on my just-laundried fat jacket to walked out in the cold, intention – pure fireworks hunt. Didn’t i realized that it made my feel so lonely.. Good buddies are all not in town, the only one remaining had promised to call back home to parents and therefore there i was, snapping up the icey ground with my waterproof (not snowproof) reeboky.. direction, towards the castle, from a call received regarding the blasting source for the night.

Was not too spectacular, maybe i wasn’t really in the mood of it. Walking the ice, mumbling to myself, with a light heart, “hej Jian, it’s new year, it’s ur birthday – happy new year & happy birthday”. It has been too long that i was not by myself during this moment of the year. I look around and see many happy, mostly drunk ppl being loud and carrying their obvious horny faces, i wanted to approach anyone, to wish them happy new year, yet couldn’t lift myself to do so – and so there is no birthday hug this year – technology is just too robotic, human touch is just so much better. Though a very sweet message from an Italy bonded, lighted up the moment -the bright side of technology. And somehow, guess it’s probably a sign that the destination has to be changed, and so it will be – country code 49 from tomorrow onwards..

Start the new decade with loadsa good wishes, draw the resolutions, paint the dreams, feel the love, and appreciate the moment..

This thought, of having just fingers countable days left in this lovely place.. does not go too well by just thinking about the leaving.. rather not think about it.. taking a very slow walk from the central station after seeing off bus number 5 to Sävja, i just felt so much in slow pace – intentionally, willingly..

the tune of “somewhere out there” just naturally came by and my mind cant stop the silent hymning of it.. I then stray pass the frozen but not too windy paths that I have been walking since the passed 26 months..

Eventually guided myself to my all time Uppsala favourite spot.. This spot has always been my venue of heading to during many times, happiness, loneliness, pizzaness, Max burger moments – and the spot of 3rd pillar from the right of the central platform – is still always available for me everytime i am here.. though today, she’s covered with so much snow that i found my ass too frozen to sit down as i always do. It’s so quiet, so calm, so peaceful..

And i’ve got one of the most thought-off, personalized and related gift today.. I was just so touched from my guts when i received it – “Bananbok”..

Flipping in the pages, an even more personalized, hand written text by the shaved kiwi and the ostrich, accompanied by some really beautiful pictures – it just set the mood for the night to be all chill and mellow.. these late few months in Uppsala had gave a very complete round up to my time here, with these few very precious people that i had the honor to know, and spend time with, yes.. u know who u are, and i appreciate the moments, for walking through my time, and stamping ur name deep at the corner of my heart..

In this cold dark winter night, and being free of alcohol (except that orange-juiceless punch just now), thinking bout u guys gave a slow built up warmth to my chest.. and it will stay for the night.. and many more nights to come..

Listening to shuffly playing Forgiven with such intense feeling, within temptation..

counting down the short limited time left in Uppsala.. it actually sucks that 2 months is, really just 2 months..

2 months is really fucking short in a world where the clock never stops..

oh yea..

2 months, though short, could also be the best damn 2 months in my life..

yea?

2 months should really have been the most beautiful and amazing time in this chapter of the story book..

nah..

and so it will be firm now..

Things has to be decided, to be determined, to be made clear..

No more, shakiness, indecisive, bluriness..

Chicken? No more chicken.. action and reflection..

What if.. even though u knew that there is nothing out of it.. u still so willingly let it be..

What if.. it’s for the sake of the moment.. and there is no point upon what is after the moment.. would u still let it be?

What if.. u saw what happened.. and u felt so damn shitty.. even though u were not even in the position to feel a tiny bit of shit..

What if.. it is liked.. but the likehood has to be restricted.. and the loneliness would take over again..

What if.. all of this is just another class of chemistry.. where bonding of the atoms were supposed to be repelled for sure no matter how strong the attraction is.. would it still make sense to be a molecule?

What if.. without realising.. u realised that everything speaks about it, reflects it, feel so much for it..

What if.. u just cant look at anything else.. or think of anything other than.. it?

What if.. everything that appears.. u always see it.. shows all about it.. tells u about it.. relates u to it..

What if.. u really should let it go.. but really don’t want to.. because u can’t..

And so it is.. it could be it.. it is like shitting in the corner and let the flies go round and round it.. so that the flies would not come near it.. it is 12:34:56 09-10-11..

Exactly 2 weeks ago’s today, we were hanging out in the balcony, doing wonders that was just so humanly. With a blink, that was all sweet memories, memories that I would take with me through any big fat cloud.

I shall try to keep words to the simplest, sentences to the precisest.. to avoid such circumstances..

Istanbul is so diversed, so colourful, so beautiful..

Of course there is always the cultural aspect of the city..

but we’ve also seen cute amphibians..

and also seeing some slimmey shit juice..

Well, that’s hazelnut juice extracted from pure hazelnuts..

Some like to overdose on salt..

Some like to blow it soft and gentle..

As the journey is sometimes very steppy..

But then we go for it full of turk spirit..

And then still keeping up that happy smiley mode no matter wat..

And when there is a pretty smart and hot Turkish chick in the lab..

there is also a Terminating Hazelnut Inspector..

It’s always a happy feeling being a Tree-hanging princess..

Of course there are fight and conflicts at moments..

But then make up to that and sleep together..

And have some pretty moments of persuasions, stalking sessions ..

And then more back seat mushy lovey dovey..

But isn’t it happier when love is in such a beautiful picture..

I’m again sticking by the motto of a place is nothing without the people you are there with.. there’s so much to be said, to be remembered, to be cherished.. i’m missing the feeling of waking up and having nice people to wish good morning, and giving and receiving warm sincere smiles..

Could be a good sign, it’s been pretty productive without the usual distraction of faceemailbooksocmsncernetskype shit.. but then i got too desperate.. came over to cemus library, rang the bell a couple of times.. well it’s summer in Sweden and u know wat happens when it is summer here, basically nothing related to people being in offices.. and most of the university building, labs and library, are haunted by oxygen and nitrogen.

Damn, the central square usually the most happening spot, looks a little bit too sad at the moment..

Finally had someone to open the door for me and so I re-enter the base of internet world again.

Geez, I’m all alone in this place, could get a little spooky when it is dark, and well.. I shall only have these 2 nice IKEA lights accompanying me, left and right, nothing from above, and definitely nothing from behind.. hopefully..

Oh and in this darkness, hopefully i won’t see this scary sight of my damn peely but not hurty shins..

ps: This does not count as a valid posting watsoever..